He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
