I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone shattered a urinal.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize