I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
