remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that's an acceptable place to lick
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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