my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
