So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Less talking, more tequila
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
