I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
