Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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