on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
