I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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