were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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