OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ttyl tear gas
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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