how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
True college students do jello shots in the library
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