the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize