you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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