my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
