You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
