'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
