once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize