i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize