i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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