I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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