i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
