6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Randomize
