I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
