y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize