The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
