You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
