I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize