I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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