Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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