Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
