but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
