just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
