Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
