I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
