i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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