As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
