Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
