I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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