I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
