ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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