My sheets look like a crime scene.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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