There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize