He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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