tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize