i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
