She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
