My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
