Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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