i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
