yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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