Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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