I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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