Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
