White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
