My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
