I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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