I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
