Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
