So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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