why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
