Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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