I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
