Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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