Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
