Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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