Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize