yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
