Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
time to smoke my breakfast
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
