so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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