He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
